


All The Dark Colors

by daisygal18



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisygal18/pseuds/daisygal18
Summary: Bella Swan chose Seattle for college in the midst of the grunge era. The music to her is a recollection of her very soul and she is desperate to shed her small town girl childhood to become the woman she knows she was meant to be. A chance meeting with a famous musician will alter not only her life... but his as well.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	1. I see You

December 1991

——

“Be careful around those grunge kids, Bells. They’re nothing but a bunch of druggie troublemakers.” 

Charlie’s words ran through my mind now while I stood outside the bar with my fake I.d clutched in my hand. My sweet father who would have never in a million years agreed to let me go to UDub had he known the grunge scene was exactly my reason for going there. Of course I knew it was a good college, but I craved this scene. The music coming from Seattle played just for me… it was what my heartbeat sounded like. I couldn’t get enough of it. 

So that’s how I found myself outside what was probably the dirtiest establishment I had ever encountered. 

Everyone in line behind and in front of me were wearing some sort of flannel. The girls had on ripped up tights and combat boots, the guys had shirts that looked three sizes too big and jeans that were just the same. I felt very out of place in my clean jeans, UDub hoodie and chucks… well the chucks fit in at least. 

I couldn’t care though… I just needed to be near the music. I didn’t even know the band playing. It was a local group. I had overheard my roommate talking to another girl about the show. They both were Seattle locals and seemed very surprised when I asked them if I could come… Alice, my roommate, regarded me with a smirk and asked if I had a fake to which I promptly told her no. My father was a police chief. How would I have a fake? She had laughed loudly and clapped me on the back, her plethora of bangles jingled loudly with the gesture. 

“You know what Swan? You’re alright.” She had giggled and told me she would find me a fake. 

I hadn’t seen her yet but she did tell me that she dated the drummer of the band and that she usually got there early to watch them do sound check. She was so cool and I hoped she wouldn’t snub me because of my lame attire. 

“Birthday?” The bouncer said as he flashed a light to my i.d and then my face. I squinted my eyes. 

“December eighteenth, nineteen sixty-nine.” I parroted the birthdate off the i.d for ‘Shelly Klaus’... ridiculous name. 

He didn’t seem convinced as he sized up my appearance and I thought for sure that this was it. I was going to be arrested for having a fake, I had only been in college three months and Charlie would have to bail me out. I never broke the rules, what would he say?

The bouncer interrupted my internal worries with a sigh. “Have fun girly.” He said and waved me in. I felt my entire body sag from relief. 

The excitement returned as I entered the bar. People were dancing in large groups. I got bumped into several times but shoved them back just as strongly. I was small and I might look like a geek but I was scrappy. Growing up with only a father had made sure of that. 

When I got to the bar I plopped down on an empty stool and was happy to find I had a clear view of the stage. My leg bounced with the music as the band blared their song and I felt my heartbeat sync with the drums. I narrowed my eyes and found a very shaggy haired blonde playing said drums. That must have been Alice’s boyfriend… Jasper, she had said. I craned my neck to see if I could see my pixie sized grunge princess roommate but everyone looked so similar it was hard to tell. 

“Drink?” The bartender yelled over the music and I looked at him. 

“Uhhh, water?” I shouted back and he laughed. When I didn’t laugh he stopped chuckling. 

“Alright, doll face, one water.” He said and I nodded before turning back to the band. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, this is what I had dreamed about since I got my acceptance letter in the mail. 

Seattle was a new beginning for me. A way to become the person I knew I was meant to be. I had been stashing my albums for the last two years ever since I happened upon my first Soundgarden record. Charlie hated the music, hated the people who listened to it even more. So I kept my obsession as secret as possible to not worry him. 

I didn’t care to do drugs… or even drink. I just needed to be exposed to this scene, I felt like these people could understand my mind. Understand my heart… and for a moment as I closed my eyes and let the guitar play into my entire being… I didn’t feel so out of place in my clean jeans and UDub sweatshirt. I felt like I was amongst people who could understand me… even if only a little. 

“What do you think of the drummer?” A smooth voice said into my ear. I jumped in my seat, startled that someone was so close to me. 

My eyes met a pair of intense green ones and I was dumbfounded for a moment. I felt like the entire world could exist in the expanse of those eyes. The face they sat in was just as intense with heavy brows and a strong jaw. He was beautiful… and vaguely familiar. 

“I’m sorry what?” I asked over the music. 

“The drummer, what do you think of him?” He asked again and lit a cigarette. He was staring at me as if we were the only two people in the room and it was making me a little anxious. I looked back to the band and thought of his question. 

Jasper was obviously very talented. His rhythm was amazing and honestly he carried the entire band. I looked back to the handsome stranger and smiled meekly. 

“I think he’s exceptional… he carries the rest of the band.” I said into his ear as he leaned in. He smelled like tobacco and man. 

He blew cigarette smoke to his left and regarded me with a pensive expression.

“What about the guitar player?” 

“We’re speaking honestly?” I asked and he nodded as he puffed the cigarette and ran a hand through his messy copper hair. 

“I think the entire guitar part is an Eden rip off… the lyrics are a little stale too… but the drummer is making up for all of it.” He threw his head back and laughed heartily and it surprised me just how much I enjoyed the sound. 

“You don’t look like the typical grunge girl.” He said into my ear and I blushed, embarrassed again by my attire. I should have let Alice dress me when she offered. 

“It’s a good thing.” He said when he realized my embarrassment and I smiled at him. 

“What’s your name?” He asked… the band had stopped playing but he still leaned in very closely. He reached over my shoulder to put his cigarette out in an ashtray on the bar and I sucked in a breath at his proximity. 

“Bella.” I said with a swallow and he smiled. 

“Bella.” He repeated it and I liked the way it sounded in his voice. 

“Bella!” Someone shouted and I looked to my right to find Alice staring at me with wide eyes as they shot from me to mystery man. 

“Hey!” I said but she didn’t acknowledge me, only stared at the man to my left. I looked up at him and he was still staring at me, I blushed again. 

“Edward! You came!” Jasper appeared beside Alice. He kissed her cheek briefly and then moved around her to shake hands with… Edward… Why did that sound familiar too?

“I told you I would… and I think Bella here agrees with my sentiments on your abilities.” Edward said as he lit another cigarette. 

Jasper looked at me, his face was confused. 

“Babe, this is my roommate I was telling you about.” Alice seemed to have regained control of herself and took Jasper’s hand with a friendly smile in my direction. 

“Oh! So you two know each other?” He asked, still confused as he looked between me and Edward. What was going on? 

“No, we just met.” I offered when Edward only puffed on his cigarette. 

“Bella… would you mind coming with me to the bathroom?” Alice asked and nearly yanked me off the barstool. I glanced over my shoulder to find Edward still watching me with those intense eyes. 

“It was nice to meet you!” I called with an awkward wave as Alice dragged me through the crowd. 

“Bella… I thought you said you liked this music?” Alice asked once we were in line for the bathroom. I furrowed my brows as I looked at her. 

“I do?” 

“Then tell me how in the fuck you just had a conversation with Edward Masen without having a clue who he was?!” She shrieked and my eyes widened. 

“No way.” I said as I shook my head. I glanced over my shoulder but couldn’t see Edward or Jasper through the crowd.

“Edward Masen, as in the lead singer of Eden?”

“Yes way… and he looked at you like something to eat!” She squealed and I shook my head. My entire face flamed. 

“I am a complete idiot!” I shouted, mortified. 

“He didn’t seem to think so.” She said with a smug smile. 

“There’s no way I can go back over there.” I groaned. I had every single album they had ever made. I read their lyrics like some people read their favorite novels. I had them all memorized. 

How had I not known it was him?

I must have asked the question out loud because Alice answered. 

“Beats me… I knew he might come. He and Jasper are sort of acquainted and I think he might ask Jazz to replace his drummer. Then to find you of all people talking to him like you’ve known him forever? Wild.” 

She shook her head but I barely heard what she was saying. I was still freaking over the fact that I had had an entire conversation with a man who I was sure wrote music for my very soul. 

Still in a daze, I followed Alice into the bathroom and waited for her to touch up her makeup and pee. The band hadn’t started playing when we walked back out and my nerves heightened at facing Edward again. 

I felt a mix of disappointment and relief whenever we returned and Jasper sat at the bar alone sipping on my forgotten water. 

“Well?” Alice said as she leaned into him. Jasper’s eyes shot to me… he still seemed confused. 

“He officially asked me to join Eden.” Jasper said and Alice squealed so loudly that other people surrounding us looked at her. 

“This is it baby! This is what you’ve worked so hard for!” She said as she bounced up and down. 

“He gave one condition.” He said and his eyes shot to me again. 

“What?” Alice asked and her gaze followed his own to land on me. 

“He said I had to get him Bella’s phone number.” Jasper said, confusion still clouding his voice.


	2. Come As You Are

I came home in a daze from my encounter with Edward. Alice and I shared a cab back to campus and she was buzzing from Jasper’s good news as well as Edward’s strange interest in me. I was having a hard time believing it had happened at all… I was so stunned that I had barely heard Alice as she wrote down our dorm hall number and stuck the paper inside Jasper’s shirt pocket. 

That was two weeks ago and I was all but convinced that the entire encounter had been some sort of figment of my imagination brought on by the excitement of being at the show. If Alice hadn’t talked about it occasionally I might have actually convinced myself I was going crazy. 

My heart didn’t shatter when he didn’t call. I hadn’t expected him to, I think Alice was heartbroken though. My life went back to the normal I had created when I moved here. I went to class on time, studied hard, called Charlie every other day. I listened to my albums in the evenings, my new friendship with Alice ensured that I got to go to more grunge shows. I found myself feeling light and happy as I finished my first round of college exams and prepared to go home for Christmas. 

“You know, Bella, when I first met you at the beginning of this semester I thought you were going to be a total bore.” Alice said as we packed our bags to leave our tiny dorm for the next three weeks.

“I’m hoping there’s a ‘but’ here…” I said with a laugh. She giggled and poked my side. 

“BUT… you’re actually kind of my hero.” She said and I rolled my eyes. 

“Not this again.” I said as I leaned onto my suitcase to try and zip it. 

“No seriously! Who cares if he never called! Edward Masen asked MY roommate her opinion on MY boyfriend who he then hired as his drummer… I mean, what if you hadn’t talked Jazz up? You have changed his whole life.” I shook my head, this had been her monologue since I told her the entire details of my conversation with Edward Masen. 

“I’m pretty sure he had already decided to hire him before he ever came.” It was true, how did I know? No clue… but I knew that Edward Masen wouldn’t take the time to go somewhere without a purpose. 

“Maybe, maybe not… but either way you did my Jazz a solid and he loves you for it.” She told me. She leaned on the suitcase with me when she saw my struggle and we teamed up to get it zipped. 

“Hey.” She said and I looked at her as I slapped my hands together. 

“I love you for it too.” She said with a shy smile and I blushed. 

“I just spoke the truth. Jasper is crazy talented… it was only a matter of time before someone scooped him up.” I said with a nonchalant shrug. I turned back to my side of the room and tried to think of anything I might have forgotten. I was sure I had… but I would be in Forks before I remembered. 

“I still can’t believe he didn’t call…” Alice said after a moment of silence. I turned around and looked at her with a bemused smile. 

“Really? You can’t believe that music god Edward Masen didn’t call this…” I said sarcastically with a gesture to my person. Alice rolled her eyes. 

“So you don’t look like Tanya Denali… you’re still beautiful.” She told me as she nudged me and I stuck my tongue out at her. 

“I still don’t understand why he even asked for my number when he dates THAT.” I gestured to a rock magazine Alice had on her end table. Tanya Denali was on the cover with the rest of her band… Snow. 

I stared at the woman in question. She was the quintessential “grunge princess”, the girl every girl in Seattle modeled her look off of. No one pulled it off quite like Tanya though… She made the trashy look… perfect. 

“Because I hear she’s a mortal BITCH and her band sucks.” Alice harped… She was not a Snow fan and she told anyone who would listen. I shrugged again and grabbed my bag. 

“See you in three weeks?” I asked. Alice was staying in the city but leaving our dorm room to stay with her parents at their penthouse over the holidays. She pulled me in for a tight hug and I chuckled. 

“I will call you every day!” She cried and I hugged her back. Alice’s friendship had been unexpected but I was happy for it. I had never had many girlfriends besides Rose growing up… and she was family so it didn’t really count. 

“Have a merry Christmas, Al.” I told her as we pulled apart. 

“Merry Christmas… my hero.” She said with a dramatic clutch to her heart. I pushed her away with a laugh and left her standing in our dorm room. 

—————

“I’m sorry… WHAT?” Rose exclaimed from the end of my bed. I jumped forward and put my hand over her mouth as I shushed her. 

“You’ll wake up Charlie!” I whisper-yelled and pulled my hand away. Her blue eyes that matched my own were wide in disbelief. 

“You met Edward Masen? You have a fake? Who are you and what have you done with my cousin?” She demanded and I sighed as I leaned back on my pillows. 

“I feel like it was a dream.” I said to my ceiling. Rose collapsed beside me. 

“Uncle Charlie would have a heart attack.” She said. I looked at her sharply. 

“Which is exactly why we aren’t telling him! You can’t tell Aunt Esme either.” I warned and she rolled her eyes at my severe tone. 

“Mom would never rat you out… daddy however can’t be trusted sometimes.” I looked away from her. 

“Just don’t tell anyone… triple swear?” I asked as I looked at her again. Rose propped herself up on one arm and stared at me. 

“Triple swear? It’s that serious?” She questioned with a raised eyebrow. 

The triple swear had been invented when I was five and Rose was six, we had decided to chug an entire bottle of chocolate syrup and needed a way to ensure that one of us wouldn’t rat on the other when our stomachs had inevitably begun to hurt. So therefore the triple swear was born. 

Our parents still to this day thought we both simultaneously came down with the stomach flu. 

“Yes, Rosie, it’s that serious.” I told her with a blank face. 

“Alright Bella Mia… I triple swear to not tell a soul.” She said and I knew it was an oath she would never break. Rosalie was loyal to the core. 

————

Rosalie was the daughter of my mother’s sister. My mother Renee, I had been told, was a free spirit much like my aunt Esme. I never knew her, she died of cancer when I was just three years old. It had just been Charlie and me… save for Aunt Esme, uncle Carlisle and Rose. We were a small family but a tight knit one all the same. Aunt Esme was a mother to me in every way that counted and she made sure I was understood whenever Charlie was somewhat overbearing. I loved them all… which was why it felt odd that I had developed some sort of second life from them. 

Being home in Forks was like putting on an old pair of jeans that didn’t fit quite right. I loved my home and I was grateful for the fairly normal childhood I had had… but this new part of me craved the city while I was home. I missed the sound of Alice’s bangles as we danced together at a show, the way the music reverberated through my entire body. 

“So Bella, meet any cute boys at college?” Esme asked me over Christmas dinner. My eyes shot to Charlie who was seeming a little too uninterested in our conversation. 

“None worth mentioning.” I said evenly. I looked at Rose and she was staring at me with a smirk. 

‘Liar’ she mouthed and I kicked her shin. 

“That’s just fine, Bella Mia.” Carlisle said with a smile as he took a big bite of mashed potatoes. “You keep with your studies and you might graduate early. I wish Rose was a little less keen on boys.” He grumbled and Rosalie rolled her eyes. 

“Daddy, Royce is a perfectly respectable boyfriend.” She argued. 

“I don’t like the kid… he’s too… clean.” Carlisle said and I cackled. It was a well known fact that the family hated Rose’s boyfriend… she had begun dating him her first year at the local community college and we all couldn’t wait for it to end. 

“Honey… let’s not argue on Christmas.” Esme said as Rose opened her mouth to retort. They both quieted and I sighed, thankful that the attention had been taken from me. 

—————

New Years came and despite Rose’s pleading to come out with her and her college friends I managed to stay at home. Charlie was on a yearly fishing trip with his friend Harry so I had the house to myself. Alice had called earlier in the night telling me about her plans for the evening in the city… she was already half drunk I could tell but I had agreed when she made me promise to spend New Years with her the following year. 

I was curled up on the sofa with the fireplace blaring. My favorite raggedy sweatpants and a pair of Charlie’s hiking socks were keeping me warm. I had a cup of coffee cooling on the end table as I flipped through the channels with a purpose. MTV came into view and I glanced over my shoulder and nearly laughed at myself. Charlie was over eight hours away at Hatch Lake… he wasn’t going to catch me right now. 

There were various music videos for a while but at about ten o’clock his face was on my screen and I was just as stunned by his beauty as the night I met him at that bar. He talked to the person interviewing as he puffed on a cigarette. Edward Masen talked about their upcoming album… dodged questions about his relationship with Tanya Denali… and I was again stunned that I had spoken to this man. That he had approached me… surely it was a dream. The interview was filmed during the day so I knew it wasn’t live… I wondered then what he was doing. Was he in the studio? Was he alone… writing more songs that would rock my whole world? Or was he out drinking like Alice? Would he kiss Tanya Denali at midnight?

The house phone ringing nearly made me scream. I glanced at the clock. The interview had been going on for almost half an hour. Charlie must have been calling to wish me a happy New Year before he and Harry fell asleep. I made my way to the phone that hung on the kitchen wall and answered slowly. 

“Hello?”

“Bella?” The voice breathed and I stopped… that same velvety smooth voice I had just been listening to on the television filled my ears and I thought that my delusions must have reached an all time high. 

“Bella Swan?” The voice said again after a moment's silence. 

“It’s me.” I said in a choked voice. My heart was hammering and I clutched the receiver tightly. 

“It’s you.” He said with a sigh… almost relieved. Still not believing it was him I had to ask. 

“Who is this?”

“Edward… from the bar.” He said slowly and I pulled a chair over from the table to sit down. 

“Edward Masen.” I said… my voice was stronger. 

“How did you get my home number?” I asked when he didn’t respond directly.

“I might have pestered your RA until she finally gave it to me.” He admitted and I shook my head. 

“Why?” I breathed. 

“Why not?” He replied instantly. 

“What are you doing?” He asked when I didn’t reply. 

“I’m home alone… watching television.” I said and suddenly felt like the total boring person I was sure I sounded like. 

“No big plans for the new year?”

“None I cared to partake in.” I offered and he chuckled. 

“What about you… no fancy party to attend?” I asked after a moment. 

“The people here are all the same.” He said softly. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you.” 

“Because I’m so boring and ordinary?” I joked. 

“No… because you’re real.” He whispered the last part. 

“You don’t even know me.” I argue weakly. 

“Maybe not… but anyone could tell that you’re real.” He retorted and I didn’t have a reply for that. 

“Why did you ask Jasper for my number?” I asked boldly. Weeks of over thinking our conversation and being left more and more confused had made me candid. 

“What’s your favorite song of all time?” He countered without answering my question. I let it go and sighed. 

“You’ll probably make fun of me… it’s not some new edgy song…” I said. 

“Tell me anyway.”

“I love Blackbird by the Beatles.” I admitted… it had been my mother’s favorite song… I had listened to it ever since I was small. 

“Why do you love it?” He asked… genuinely curious. 

“The lyrics… ‘you were only waiting for this moment to be free’ that speaks to me.” I said with a sigh. 

“Blackbird fly…” he sang softly and I closed my eyes at the soft sound of his voice. 

“Forks is your hometown?” He asked. 

“The RA sure gave you a lot of personal information.” I said with a soft chuckle. 

“I can be very persuasive Bella Swan.” He said devilishly and I laughed loudly. 

“That I don’t doubt… Edward Masen.” 

“Did you know it was me? When I spoke to you?”

“Will you be offended if I tell you no?” 

“No… I like it better that way.”

“Why?” I breathed. He was silent but I could have sworn I heard him puff a cigarette. 

“I have to go.” He said abruptly. 

“But-“ I started but the line went dead. I stared at the receiver in disbelief… how was it that he appeared and disappeared in my life like an apparition?

I made my way back over to the couch and sat down. His interview was long over and now they were having some sort of New Years live special featuring numerous bands. Snow was playing and I watched as Tanya Denali came on stage with her ripped tights and smudged eyeliner. She was sexy… an experienced woman… nothing like the small town virgin that I was. I felt very small then as I watched her belt their newest song to a screaming crowd. I wondered if Edward was at that show… watching her from backstage. Perhaps that’s why he had hung up so abruptly. 

These thoughts clouded my mind as I dozed off just after eleven. My last thought before sleep took me was that if I did spend New Years with Alice next time… she probably wouldn’t let me go to sleep before three a.m. 

——————

A sharp knock on the door caused me to sit up on the couch. The fire had started to die out so the living room was a bit chilly. I clutched the soft throw to my body and listened, maybe it was the wind causing a tree to hit the siding. After a moment I heard another sharp knock. My heart jumped into my throat and I stood slowly. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was just after two in the morning. 

Charlie kept a baseball bat in the closet by the stairs so I grabbed it slowly and made my way towards the door with the bat raised. The knock came again and I could see a figure through the glass of the door. 

“Bella?” I heard someone rasp and I nearly dropped the bat at the sound of the voice. 

Self preservation went out the window as I pulled the chain lock and swung the door open to find Edward Masen standing on the other side of my screen door. I stared at him for a moment, bat still in hand. He stared at me just the same. 

“What the fuck?” I finally whispered as a cold chill ran through me. I unlocked the screen door and pushed it open. He still stared at me as he entered. 

“I’m starting to realize this was a very crazy thing to do.” He said sheepishly and I blinked as I propped the bat against the wall and shut the door behind him. 

“Maybe a little?” I said with a laugh as I faced him. I crossed my arms over my chest… proud of myself for not losing my shit. 

“Do you want me to leave?” He whispered… he stepped closer to me. 

“No.” I said without hesitation. I felt glad he was there… like I had been waiting for him and he finally arrived. 

“Bella… I know this sounds crazy… but I feel like I have known you forever.” He told me. I looked up at him then… he was still the intense man I had met almost a month ago… but there was a vulnerability there to him now. An openness I had not seen before. 

“I thought that maybe I was crazy… for feeling so open with you after only meeting you once.” I admitted. 

“I felt the same way… I didn’t call because…” he looked away and ran a hand through his hair before looking at me again. 

“Life is insane right now and honestly I feel everything so strongly anyway… I needed to be sure that I wasn’t overthinking this before I called you…” he said in a small voice. 

“Why did you call?” He had avoided all of my questions earlier… but I needed to know. 

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you… I watched you for a bit before I approached you at that bar. I thought to myself ‘this is a lost little lamb’ but the way you closed your eyes and totally blissed out to the music… the way you just get it…” 

“Do you want to sit down?” I asked instead of replying. I had no idea what exactly was transpiring here but deep in my soul I knew that this night was a key one in my life. This night would be a night to shape who I was from this moment on. 

“Sure.” He said with a nod and we made our way to the sofa. I stoked the fire for a bit before sitting beside him. It should have been awkward… two perfect strangers sitting with each other; but it wasn’t. It felt natural… like being home. 

Edward scooted closer to me and I felt my breath catch. He touched my chin as he stared at me. He looked ethereal in the firelight and I was in complete awe of him. 

“Is this okay?” He whispered and I nodded. He ran his hands through my hair then and down my back. I shivered from the sensation of his touch but I wasn’t afraid. It felt right… Edward touching me. 

He kicked his shoes off and I wordlessly pulled him closer until his head rested on my chest. His arms wrapped around me tightly like a small child might hug their favorite toy and I hummed softly as I ran my hands through his hair. His hands made soft circles on my back and I felt more relaxed than I ever had. 

“You can hear my heart can’t you?” I asked softly. 

“Yes.” He whispered. 

“That’s what your music makes me feel like… it makes me feel like my heart is in rhythm for the first time in my whole life.” He didn’t respond, only squeezed me tighter. 

“Happy New Year… Bella Swan.” He said. 

“Happy New Year, Edward.” I murmured as my eyes grew droopy once more. 

——————

I sat up with a start. 

“Edward?” I said, my voice thick with sleep. I looked around though and he was nowhere to be seen. I slouched back into the couch cushions. Had I dreamed it all? Was I truly insane this time?

I stretched and stood. I made my way to the kitchen and stopped when I saw the forgotten baseball bat still propped beside the door. A crumpled receipt was curved around the handle and I grabbed it and smoothed the paper out. 

‘Thank you for the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a decade. Your heartbeat is a lullaby’

-E

I looked up from the paper and blinked. He had truly been here… I reread the note several more times. Why had he left without a real goodbye? What exactly did Edward Masen want from me?

I started making coffee… even more confused than I had been.


	3. Angel Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemon ahead... just warning ya.

After my first meeting with Edward Masen I had made myself remain unaffected. It was a freak thing, I told myself. People casually bumped into famous people sometimes… don’t get all excited. But…

He had shown up at my house on New Years unannounced and stayed the night. The only proof I had was the note he had left… which I kept tucked into my mother’s favorite Beatles album so I knew I wouldn’t lose it. 

I was confused… and a bit irritated by him. Why did he think it was okay to just drift in and out of someone’s life in that way? Was it his fame that made him disregard my feelings on the whole thing? Was I just another expendable warm body among thousands to him?

Yes… these thoughts tormented me and I dared not tell Alice about our New Year's encounter lest she only add fuel to my mental fire. 

What bothered me the most was how profoundly affected I had been by him. What had happened between us was something else… we had gotten as close as two people could be without sleeping with each other… yet the intimacy was just the same. I felt seen by him, and I thought that maybe I saw him too… more clearly than all these people who obsessed over him. 

And yet he had disappeared again. No call… not even a note awaited me when I returned to the tiny dorm room after the holiday break. I had wanted to slap myself for being so upset but it hurt… and I wasn’t sure why it hurt so badly. I had never been the girl to lose her mind over a guy… especially a guy in a band. Yet here I was, my every thought consumed with green eyes and soft touches in the firelight. 

“Bella?” Alice snapped her fingers in front of my face. My music still blared through the headphones of my Walkman. My pencil was clutched in my hand where I had been writing the rough draft of my next paper. 

“I’m sorry Alice… were you saying something to me?” I asked as I pulled my headphones off and dropped my pencil. 

“Yes… I was saying there’s a show tomorrow night. Jazz is actually free so we are going… AND, you are letting me dress you.” She waggled her eyebrows and I sighed. 

“I don’t know, Al… I can’t really pull off…” I waved to her scantily clad figure and she rolled her eyes. 

“Just because you think you can’t doesn’t mean it’s so. It’s happening… think of it as my belated Christmas gift. You’ve been like a zombie since you got back… and not the fun Thriller kind.” She did a parody of the Thriller dance and I smiled despite myself. 

“I guess I could use a night out.” I relented. 

“That’s my girl!” She squealed happily and began talking about clothes. 

—————

“No.” 

“Oh yes.” 

“Alice… no.”

“Bella… yes.” 

I stared at my reflection with wide eyes. The dress she had convinced me to wear was shorter than anything I had ever worn. The hem came just above my mid thigh and was made of some sort of faux silk. I was thankful that she had at least let me wear tights without holes but the sheer black things still didn’t do much to make me feel less exposed. I pulled at the spaghetti straps of the dress uncomfortably. 

“It’s January Alice… won’t I freeze?” 

“Fashion is being uncomfortable Bella!” She chided and I pouted… she sighed and walked to her closet. She pulled out a large thick flannel and threw it at me. I pulled it on over the black dress and instantly felt better. 

“Thank you.” I breathed. 

“I suppose it doesn’t totally ruin the look… I wish you would have let me put more eyeliner on you though…” she trailed off. I had stopped her at the first layer… clothing was one thing… but caking on makeup was where I drew a line. 

“Shoes?” I said before she could persuade me to add more black to my eyes. She smirked and went to her closet to pull out her prized pair of worn Doc Martens. 

“Your boots?” I asked in awe and she smiled. 

“It’s your Cinderella night… think of them as your glass slippers.” She said and I took them from her and pulled them on. I understood then why she loved them so much. My confidence seemed to soar as soon as I had them laced. 

“Man… I am GOOD.” She said happily. “Every man at the bar is going to fall at your feet.” She said with a clap of her hands. 

I only thought of one man though. One man with intense green eyes. 

—————

“You want a drink, Bella?” Jasper asked me. 

“Uhhh… nah I’m good.” I replied with a shy smile. 

“She’ll have a vodka cranberry and so will I! Thank you baby!” Alice called and he kissed her temple before leaving our booth to head for the bar. 

“Alice! You know I don’t drink!” I protested and she laughed. 

“It’s one vodka cranberry, Belly. Live a little! You need it!” She said… she herself had already had three drinks and I could tell she felt it by the way her brown eyes were slightly glazed over. 

I decided it was best to not argue with her and thanked Jasper politely when he returned with said drinks. I sipped the concoction timidly and was pleasantly surprised that it tasted more like juice than anything. The music hadn’t started and my nerves were all over the place from the last few weeks of worrying so I thought ‘fuck it’ and threw the drink back with two big gulps. 

“Easy there, Belly, that’s mostly vodka and you probably only weigh 130 soaking wet.” Jasper warned. 

“Leave her alone! Belly and I are having fun tonight… right?” Alice said with a wink and I found myself returning her smile as a soft warmth crept into my stomach. 

“Right!” I agreed. 

A few moments later a waiter appeared at our table and he had two more vodka cranberries in his hands. He smirked at me and Alice and nodded to the bar. 

“Compliments from the gentlemen at the bar in the green shirt.” He said and I looked up to find a guy looking at me with a smirk. Boldened by the alcohol in my system I raised my glass in thanks. He raised his own and Alice cheered. 

“The boots have done it again!” She cried happily and we clinked our glasses together. I gulped the free drink down just as fast… determined to enjoy myself and forget Edward Masen for just a little bit. 

——————

“Bella… no no no… come here. Lemme fix your hair…” Alice slurred while we stood in the bathroom. I clung to her waist for support as she smoothed my hair. 

“You’re my best friend.” I told her. 

“You’re MY best friend.” She said seriously and hugged me. 

“Edward came to my house on New Years.” I blurted into her shoulder and she stiffened… she pulled away, her arms still on my shoulders but her eyes wide. 

“Edward Masen drove from Seattle to bum fuck no where to see you?” I nodded dumbly. 

“But then he disappeared again and I thought I might have dreamed it but he left me a note and said my heart is a lullaby but then he was just gone, Alice! I’m so confused!” My words were jumbled and slurred but Alice seemed to understand well enough. 

“Well fuck him! He can’t just mess with your head because he’s a rock star! You’re a sexy ass woman! You don’t need him!” She cried, her feminism in full swing. 

“Yeah! Fuck him!” I said and felt wrong even to say it. 

“Let’s get another drink!” She said. 

“Yeah!” I agreed again. Apparently vodka made me very amenable. 

We made our way to the bar and ordered a drink. Then back to our booth to Jasper. The band was in full swing so I hoped no one heard me say fuck whenever we found not only Jasper but Edward at our booth. 

“Here they are… I was about to put out a search team.” Jasper said. He scooted so Alice could get beside him. She watched me intently and so did a pair of green eyes. I stared into my drink, murmured fuck it, my mantra for the evening, and chugged it. 

“I’m getting another!” I declared and moved through the crowd to get away from the intense eyes that had haunted my every thought. 

I slapped my glass down and patted the bar. The bartender smiled. 

“Another all ready, girly?” He teased. 

“Put it on my tab, Joey.” A smooth voice said behind me. Joey saluted him and went to make my drink. I turned to find Edward watching me intently. 

“I can buy my own drinks.” I snarked. 

“I don’t doubt it.” He replied and I looked away from him, but I could feel him watching me. His eyes were like flames on my skin and I was suddenly burning. 

“You look beautiful.” He said softly and I felt him touch my hair. I shied away from his touch and shot him a glare. 

“Alice wanted to play Barbie.” I retorted. 

“She’s good at it.” He offered. “But I like you better the other way.” He leaned in closely to me then. I could smell his breath… spearmint and cigarettes. I had to look away again. Joey sat my drink down and I grabbed it. I went to bring it to my mouth but Edward touched my wrist. 

“Let’s get out of here.” It wasn’t a question and I stared at him in disbelief. 

“Do you think you can just disappear and reappear whenever you feel like it and I’ll do whatever you want?” I knew deep down that I would… but I was angry at him. He just stared at me. I went to drink my drink again but he snatched it from my hand and downed it himself. 

“Fuck you, Edward!” I spat but he was unaffected. 

“Let’s get out of here.” He said again and I just stared at him. 

“What about your girlfriend?” I said… we hadn’t mentioned her in the three times we’d interacted but she had been in the back of my mind since I realized who he was. 

“What girlfriend?” He said without missing a beat. I scoffed. 

“I don’t want to play this game with you.” I was starting to feel very sober and a headache was really coming on. I touched my head. 

“You’re drunk… let me take you home.” He touched my arm, I jerked away and swayed slightly. He caught me before I fell and held me closely. I stared into his eyes and thought to myself, who needed vodka cranberries when there was Edward Masen’s eyes. 

“Please… Bella, leave with me.” He pleaded and I felt myself nod. He nodded too and squeezed my hand tightly. 

“I’ll tell Alice, stay here.” He said and I agreed again. Vodka really did make me amenable. 

He returned a moment later and shrugged off his thick worker style coat to drape over my shoulders. 

“Let’s go.” He said softly into my ear as he took my hand again. 

I noticed then as we walked that people were trying to stop him… to talk to him… to take pictures. They asked him to sign things and it didn’t occur to me to wonder about my own face appearing in those pictures. I was only aware of his hand in mind and how it was anchoring me to the earth in that moment. We made our way through the crowd and to a car that waited out front. I shivered as we slid into the backseat and he pulled me into his side and rubbed my arm. He spouted off an address to the driver and the car began to move. 

“Edward?” I asked as my head rolled from his shoulder to look at him. 

“Yeah?” 

“Will you still be here in the morning?” I asked in a very slurred voice. 

“If you want me in the morning… I’ll be there.” He swore. 

“I always want you there.” I whispered and fell asleep. 

———————

I hissed as I opened my eyes. Bright light blinded me. I squeezed them shut again. Memories of the night before flooded my conscious and I sat up abruptly and looked around. I was in an unfamiliar apartment with a large window that overlooked the water. I looked down at my body and noted that I still wore the same clothes… minus the boots. Edward wasn’t near me but I heard a guitar strumming and ignored my headache to get up and follow the sound. It was freezing but he had his balcony door open. Just outside the bedroom and that’s where I found him in sweats and a hoodie, barefooted playing a song on the guitar I had never heard. 

I watched him for a moment. Amazed that he was in fact still here… or I guess I was the one that was still there. As if he could feel my gaze like I could feel his he stopped playing and looked over his shoulder. A lazy smile covered his handsome face. 

“You’re awake.” He said and I nodded. My brazenness from the night before was gone and I suddenly felt nervous in presence again. He sat his guitar down and stood up to come towards me. 

“You want to shower? That always makes me feel better after a rough night.” I blinked. 

“That actually sounds awesome.” I said in a hoarse voice. 

“Come on and I’ll show you where everything is.” 

He led me to a large white bathroom with a finer tub as well as a two person shower. He turned it on for me so the water could heat up. 

“I’ll find you some clothes and put them on the bed… there’s a spare toothbrush in the drawer too.” He said with a smirk. He went to leave and I touched his hand to stop him. I steadied myself for a moment and finally looked at him. 

“Thank you.” I whispered. He tucked my hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead softly… I felt my breath catch at the gesture. 

Then he left me alone and I turned to the mirror. I gasped at my appearance. My eyes were bloodshot and the eyeliner Alice had applied ran in streaks down my face. My dark hair was a knotted mess. I looked like a banshee from the sea. Edward saw me like this. I touched my head… the headache even worse. I peeled off the dress and tights and climbed into the shower. The hot water was rejuvenating and I took my time shampooing my hair and scrubbing my face. When I had washed the grime of the night before from my body I climbed out and wrapped a towel around me. I glanced in the mirror and was happy to see that I looked somewhat human again. I toweled off my hair and brushed my teeth with the spare toothbrush and dug through the drawers to find a brush to work the tangles from my long hair. 

Refreshed and satisfied I crept back into the bedroom and felt a shiver run through me at the knowledge that I was naked in Edward’s room. I wanted him in a way I had never wanted a man before. He awakened a yearning inside of me and it thrilled and terrified me at the same time. Just as he had said, a pair of ripped jeans and a large sweater were folded neatly on the bed. I wondered if the jeans were Tanya’s but shook the thought away as I pulled them on and then the sweater over my head. 

I exited the bedroom and found Edward in the same spot as earlier. Only he didn’t play the guitar now… just sat on the balcony smoking a cigarette. He felt my presence again because he looked over his shoulder and smiled. 

“There you are.” He said as if I had been missing. 

A shy determination overtook me then as I walked towards him. He was here… just as he promised… but what if he vanished again? This all seemed like a dream to me and I didn’t want it to end just yet… I wanted as much of him as he would allow. He was so closed off and I knew so little about him; but I knew that another human would ever see me like he did. So I slowly made my way towards him, not breaking eye contact. He tossed his cigarette from the balcony and stood slowly as I approached. 

When I was in front of him I reached up and touched his face. He did the same to me and we stood there for a long moment, just staring at each other, communicating something with our eyes that neither of us could put into words. I knew he felt it… this strange pull… this strange awareness. He had told me when he called on New Years. I also knew that it terrified him, I knew that without him having to tell me. So I decided that I would be the brave one at that moment. I pulled on his neck softly and leant up. He understood and then his mouth was on mine and I felt like I might combust from the energy flowing between us. 

I sighed softly and he deepened the kiss. His tongue found its way into my mouth and I welcomed it. I would let him into every part of my body if he wanted it… he already owned me. I wondered if he realized?

He pulled away. 

“It’s cold out here and your hair is wet… let’s get you inside.” He said softly and I nodded, feeling slightly rejected. 

I turned to walk back inside, missing the feel of his lips on mine; but once he shut the balcony door he grabbed me again and crushed his mouth to mine. 

This kiss was more urgent, our hands traveled over one another in a frenzy. Desperate for touch… for closeness. I let him pull the sweater back over my head and it didn’t occur to me to feel shy at being so bare before him. I pulled on his sweat shirt and our lips parted for just a moment so he could remove it before returning again. He touched me all over and I felt alive. I felt like I had been asleep my whole life only to be awakened by him. 

We slowly backed our way through the living area and into the bedroom. My legs bumped the bed and I fell back onto the mattress. He crawled over me as we scooted farther down and I pulled his mouth back to mine desperately. He pulled at the zipper of the jeans he had given me and I sighed when his hand touched me where no one else ever had. He moved his hand against my clit slowly and then pulled away from me to work my jeans completely off. I helped him kick them off and he returned his mouth to mine as one of his hands tangled in my hair and the other pulled down his sweatpants. My mind was hazy with want… and my legs fell open naturally for him as he came between them. I felt him press against me and I gasped when he pushed inside of me to the hilt. 

“Christ, Bella…” he whispered. I had heard stories from Rose that the first time was horrible. This was an unusual feeling and there was a tightness that was uncomfortable but that was overshadowed by the desire I had for the man moving within me with slow even thrusts. I gasped again as he entered me roughly over and over. 

His mouth had found its way to my neck and I groaned lowly at the double sensation of his mouth and his cock pressing into me rapidly. 

“You feel like heaven.” He said into my ear and I felt my eyes roll into my head and I clutched him to me. I wanted all of him… all that he would give me; and I took him… I took him into my body over and over and we both whispered each other’s names like prayers. I had never been a very religious person… Charlie’s version of church was a boat and a pond. 

Sex with Edward was a religion and I was ready to worship him. 

We found release together and he collapsed onto me. His dick stayed inside of me as he laid his head on my chest and I just held him there. I stroked his hair just as I had the night he came to my childhood home. He hummed softly and I loved him in that moment. I loved him and I knew that if he disappeared again it would destroy me. 

“There’s something I want to show you.” He said after we laid there wrapped up in each other for a while. He pulled away from me and I felt his loss instantly. 

“Fuck Bella… were you a virgin?” He asked and I looked up to see the blood that stained the sheets as well as my legs. 

“Yes.” I said simply and watched his face. He met my eyes and only stared at me. 

“Why me?” He asked in disbelief. 

“Why me?” I countered and he just stared. 

“What do you want to show me?” I asked as I sat up and touched his face. The emotions raging in his eyes were going to drown us both if I didn’t distract him. 

He was still silent but he touched my face too and I leaned into his touch. 

“For so long… I’ve thought that everything I touch would surely ruin… so how is it that I’m able to hold onto something so precious?” He asked. 

I didn’t know how to respond so I kissed him again and tried to pour into him even an ounce of the raw emotions running through my body. He whispered my name like a prayer and returned everything I gave him. 

“Let’s clean up… then we’re going on a road trip.” He said and kissed my forehead before hopping out of bed. 

—————

Edward drove an old crappy blazer when he wasn’t getting driven places and I found this both funny and endearing. He loved the hunk of junk he fondly called ‘Nelly’. He wouldn’t tell me exactly where we were going but I was content to just be near him. Our hands found each other during the drive and I smiled as I watched the Washington landscape fly by my window. 

“What are you thinking?” He asked after we had been silent for a while. It was never uncomfortable… our silences… it was a beautiful thing how I could just be still with him and feel totally okay. 

“I’m thinking that we live in a really beautiful state.” I said as I glanced over at him. He squeezed my hand and I returned the squeeze. 

“I’m starting to notice the beauty of things lately.” He said as he glanced at me. I rested my head against the seat and watched him. He held my hand tightly and clutched the steering wheel with his free hand. 

“What happens tomorrow?” I asked him, his eyes met mine again. 

“Who knows.” He replied… slightly closed off again. 

“Are you going to disappear again?” 

He glanced at me again then back to the road. I could see his jaw was clenched but I just waited on an answer. I needed to know. I needed to know if I should protect myself from this. 

“It would be better for you if I did…” he murmured finally. 

I started at his hand in mine. I traced the lines of his knuckles and flipped it over to run my finger over the callouses there from years of guitar playing. 

“Can you let me decide what is better for me… please?” I asked softly as I squeezed his hand. 

“Bella…” he started and I watched him. He pulled his hand from mine then and pulled a cigarette out of his pack. He cranked the window of the blazer down after he lit it and puffed a large cloud out the window. His right hand gripped the wheel then and I just watched him. 

“My father is chief of police in Forks. He’s the best father you could ask for, my mother died when I was young so it’s always been just Charlie and me. There’s also my aunt and uncle and their daughter Rose… she’s more of a sister than a cousin. I love my family but there’s this part of me that they’ve never seemed to understand…” I continued to babble to him about my family. My life in Forks. I wanted to distract him from whatever dark place his mind had begun to drift to. 

I made a promise to myself then that if Edward Masen would let me… I would devote myself to chasing that darkness from his eyes. 

Even if it took me going into the dark with him.


	4. Tiny Dancer

“Why are we in Aberdeen?” I asked as we passed the city limits sign. 

“I was born here.” He told me. 

I nodded even though I was burning with curiosity I wasn’t going to push him. He had brought me here for a reason. 

“I didn’t have the ideal parental figures growing up. Mom dipped after she divorced my dad and then he got a replacement family… I never fit in really and I guess it turned me into a bit of a shit head as a young teenager.” He told me as he started turning on side roads. 

We pulled into a nice subdivision and parked on the curve. I looked around at the surrounding houses and wondered what in the world we were doing. Edward unbuckled and scooted closer to me. I followed his gaze to a house across the road from where we were parked. It was nice out even though there was still a thick blanket of snow on the ground. The family that I assumed lived in the house were outside playing in it. A young man was helping a small girl build a snowman. There was a young woman on the porch, even as bundled up as she was you could see she was heavily pregnant. She watched her family play with a big smile. 

“I went to school with that guy.” Edward told me and I pulled my eyes away from the happy scene to look at him. 

“I bullied him badly… every single day. He grew up with a good family… but he was shy and awkward. I tormented him constantly. So much that it got to the point that the principal called my dad into the office to have a meeting with the kids parents. I didn’t stop after that because my dad had finally given me attention… if anything I bullied him worse.” He looked away from the family and lit a cigarette. He took a few puffs before continuing. 

“Finally his parents transferred him… and I have felt remorse for it ever since. I looked him up a few years ago and drove here just to see where he ended up. That little girl was just a baby at the time… I remember the relief I felt that even as horrible as I was to him he had done well. Met a woman he clearly loves. Started a family. It released a weight from me… but gave me another one. I felt an envy begin to bloom in me… which I guess I had as a kid too. He had a normal childhood and now he’s living a happy normal adult life… I guess he and I just are meant to be opposites. Like two ends of a spectrum.” He stopped talking for a moment and just stared out the window with a glazed over expression. I reached my hand up slowly and touched his jaw. 

His eyes shot to mine. There was such a darkness in the depths of those green eyes that it made my heart ache for him. I didn’t understand his life. I had lost my mother young but I had never wanted for support or affection from Charlie or my aunt and uncle. I had been able to be a child and grow at my own pace. How hard it must have been for him… to try and work out adult emotions at such a young age. 

“You are not your childhood, Edward.” I said finally. 

“You don’t really know me, Bella, if you did you would run far away.” 

I put my other hand on his face and stared at him intently. I scooted closer until our foreheads could touch. 

“I see you though… just like you see me. I’m not going anywhere.” 

His hand reached up and cupped the back of my neck. Our eyes were closed but our foreheads still gently rested against one another. 

“You’re too good to be true.” He whispered. 

“Can’t take my eyes off of you.” I joked and he chuckled which made me glad. 

“I guess I better get you back to Seattle.” He said and pulled away from our embrace. 

I turned to look at the family playing in the yard again as we pulled away. They still played together, light as feathers. I could see the want of that life that Edward must have had. I glanced at him again. He was fiddling with the radio and he glanced over at me and smiled softly. I took his hand from the dial and held it tightly in mine. I could give him that life… if he would let me. 

——————

We pulled up in front of my dorm and I felt unease settle into my gut. Fear that I wouldn’t see him again gripped me and I tried not to show it. I didn’t want to seem like one of those needy girls that wanted to be near him constantly… even if that’s exactly what I was. He touched my hand when I went to get out. 

“What time is your class over tomorrow?” He asked. 

“I actually don’t have classes on Monday or Friday this semester.” I told him with a grin. 

“Well then, Miss Swan… will you have breakfast with me tomorrow?” He pulled me close to him and kissed me softly. 

“I’ll be ready at nine.” I told him and tried to reign in the absolute glee I was feeling. 

“I’ll be here at eight thirty.” Was his response before he kissed me again. 

I giggled because I couldn’t help myself and hopped out of the blazer. He waited til I was at the door of my building, I waved at him and he drove off. I was smiling to myself as I made my way up the stairs. I was hoping Alice hadn’t had dinner yet because I knew she would want details on everything and my stomach was growling loudly. 

These innocent thoughts tumbled through my mind as I climbed the stairs to my dorm room. It was unlocked when I got there and I opened the door quickly. Ready to be bombarded by Alice’s questions. To my surprise she sat on her bed, chewing her thumbnail nervously. Her eyes widened when she saw me and I narrowed my eyes, confused. She nodded her head towards my side of the room and I stepped around the door slowly. My stomach plummeted at who sat on my bed with a red face. 

Charlie. 

“Daddy? What’re you doing here?” Why would he be here? My brain tried to make sense of it, but all I knew was that it couldn’t be good. Especially with how he was looking at me. 

“Isabella… do you care to explain this to me?” He stood up and threw a magazine down on my bedside table. I looked at the offending paper and nearly collapsed. 

Plastered all over Seattle Punk was my face. A very drunk version of it albeit… alongside Edward’s, our hands were clasped tightly and I remembered then. The flashes of light. The people tugging at us as we tried to leave the bar last night. 

“Daddy I-“ I began but he interrupted me. 

“Tell me I’m mistaken, Bella, tell me that’s not you… dressed like that… with whoever the hell that punk junkie is.” He was angry but his voice was calm… that was never good. I could see in his eyes too, he was hurt. 

“It is me.” I said and hung my head shamefully. 

He made a noise of disgust. 

“I should have never agreed to let you come here. I should have insisted you go to the community college with Rose. Carlisle tried to tell me but I never thought that YOU! My responsible Bella would fall into something like this.” 

“Dad, it's just one picture. You’re acting like you had to bail me out of jail.” I argued. 

“That’s the next step! It’s these people Bella! They’re no good, riddled with drugs and partying instead of classes. I will not watch you throw your life away!” He was yelling now. 

“I’m not throwing my life away!” I shouted. My own temper brewing. “I’m just finally living it!” My chest heaved with my ire and Charlie just stared at me as if he didn’t recognize me. 

“We are going home. You’re withdrawing from this school immediately.” He reached under the bed and grabbed my duffel and started throwing random things into it. 

“Dad. STOP! I’m not going anywhere!” I grabbed his arm and he whipped around to stare at me with a harsh glare. Charlie had never looked at me like that before and despite my anger I shrunk away from the harshness of it. 

“You are coming home with me. Tonight.” Each word was spoken slowly and with meaning. I stared right back at him and clenched my jaw. 

“I’m legally an adult and I’m staying here. You have to trust me, dad… please.” I begged. I felt my eyes watering and he just stared at me still. Finally he shook his head. 

“If you won’t come with me then you can expect no more help from me. You’re cut off.” My eyes widened. 

“You can’t be serious!” I shouted. 

“Make a decision. Either come home or I’m done.” I shook my head as I stared at him. He was completely serious. I wiped at the tears that had fallen and nodded to myself. 

“Fine. I’m sorry it has to be this way, daddy.” I stepped away from him and went to stare out my window. 

I could see his reflection. He watched me for a long moment. Held his hand out and I wished he would please just see reason and listen to me. Instead of treating me like a little girl. He didn’t though. He sniffed and walked out of my dorm room. Shutting the door behind him as he went. A sob overtook me and I would have collapsed had Alice not caught me. 

“Shh. It’s okay… I’ve got you.” She told me and helped me to my bed.

I cried for what felt like hours. Alice, still holding me and stroking my hair and whispering soft reassurances to me. 

Finally I fell into a fitful sleep.

——————

Knocking woke me from my sleep. My eyes were swollen and my head pounded. Sometime in the night I had kicked off the jeans Edward had given me, as well as the sweater. So I was just in my bra and panties as I tumbled from the bed. Alice had early classes on Monday’s so she was long gone. I glanced at the clock on my desk and it read 9:05. I gasped. It was Edward.

I rushed to the door and pulled it open. He was standing there with a worried look on his face. 

“Hey… you were still sleeping. I’m sorry-“ he stopped when he looked at me. 

“What’s wrong?” I couldn’t hold it back. The tears began to fall again and he pushed into my room and wrapped me in a tight embrace. He kicked the door shut with his foot and lifted me into his arms like I weighed nothing. Then sat us down on my bed. He rocked me like a child and let me cry. 

“My dad…” I croaked. I couldn’t talk. My throat was dry. 

I grabbed the magazine from my end table and handed it to him. 

“Oh Christ.” He whispered. 

“My dad came… he-” I hiccuped. “He tried to make me leave. To make me go home with him… I told him I couldn’t do it… that I wouldn’t do it.” I sniffed a wet unattractive sound. 

“So he cut me off. He told me he was done.” I whimpered the last word and felt myself crying again. 

“You should have gone with him, Bella.” Edward said after a moment. I looked up at him. His face was closed off again. I shook my head and touched his jaw to make him look at me. 

“No. I told you I’m not going anywhere.” I said… some of the strength coming back to my voice. 

“I can’t let you throw away your entire life for me. I’m not worth it.” His words were too similar to the ones Charlie had said and it sparked my temper again. 

“I’m not throwing away anything, Edward. I would have told Charlie the same exact thing even if you weren’t involved at all.” I said and stood. 

“All my life I’ve been doing exactly what was expected of me. Responsible Bella, good grades Bella. Never been to a party in her life Bella. Then I found this music… your music. It woke me up. It gave me new outlooks on every aspect of who I am. I can’t go back to the girl I was before I found that first album… and I definitely can’t go back to the girl I was before I met you in that bar.” I stared at him. Wished I could make him see it just like I wished I could make Charlie see it. 

Edward did though. 

He smiled softly after my speech and just stared at me. “My little songbird… finally flew out of her cage.” He hummed and I rushed to him and crashed my lips to his. 

He groaned and pulled me tighter to him and rolled us so he could settle his weight on top of mine. He pulled away and I trailed desperate kisses down his throat and began pulling at the bottom of his sweater. 

“What if Alice comes back?” He asked even as his hands trailed down my side to cup my ass. 

“She has class until three on Monday.” I said and pulled his sweater all the way off. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered and I might have felt embarrassed usually. But he made me feel beautiful. He made me feel strong. 

“Touch me.” I begged and he complied. He pulled my panties down and ran bud hand slowly up my leg until he was at my center. I moaned loudly when he touched me there. 

“You’re not too sore?” He asked, worry clouding his eyes. 

I shook my head and he began rubbing my clit. I gasped from the sensation and arched my back. He entered one finger inside of me then two. There was a slight pain but the pleasure far outweighed it. He began moving his fingers faster until I was right on the edge then he removed them. I opened my eyes, about to protest but he kissed me and silenced me. He maneuvered his jeans down most of the way and thrust into me quickly. Eliciting a groan from him and a surprise gasp from me. 

“Heaven.” He whispered and began moving within me roughly. It wasn’t the same softness of yesterday. It was urgent and I think we both needed it. So I spread my legs as far as they would go and let him pound into me with the same desperation I felt for him. We were both gasping for air and moaning. Frenzied kisses between each powerful thrust into my body. I took all of him and I still wanted more. He buried his head into my neck and sucked on the soft skin there. I moaned from the sensation of it all and cried out loudly with my orgasm. He groaned loudly into my neck when he found his own release and I lay beneath him, breathing heavily. He collapsed onto me and I ran my hands through his hair softly. 

“Bella… I think I could love you… and that terrifies me.” He said after a moment. 

My heart soared because I felt that it was very possible that I already loved him. 

“Why does it scare you?” I asked. 

“Because I hurt people that I love… and I-“ he pulled away from me. My body felt his loss immediately. He stood and pulled his jeans up. His back to me. 

“I couldn’t live with myself… if I hurt you.” He murmured. 

I stood up and wrapped my arms around him. I kissed the trail of freckles on his back. 

“We aren’t perfect humans, Edward. You’ll hurt me… and I’ll hurt you. What matters is that we grow from it… together.” 

“You can’t begin to understand how badly I could hurt you Bella. The things I’ve done… am likely to do again. It would break your heart.”

“My heart is yours to break, Edward Masen.” I whispered against his skin. 

He turned around and held my face his his hands. 

“Don’t let me hurt you, Bella… I need you to promise me. If it becomes too much… you can’t try to save me. Okay? You have to walk away.” He was dead serious and that darkness had returned to his eyes. 

“What are you talking-“

“Just promise me.” He said desperately. 

“I promise.” I whispered. His face softened and he kissed me deeply. 

“Let’s get brunch.” He said as he pulled away.

**Author's Note:**

> Be kind.


End file.
